Overthinking | 001

Time check it's 12:01 am...

I decided to write here while drying my hair 'cause I dyed my roots and also listening to soothing OPM songs like Buwan, Kathang-isip, Kung wala ka, Di na muli and etc. More importantly I am writing now 'cause I have a lot of words inside my mind and I need to let it out. I'm kinda teary right now and I want to cry. Just to let you know, it's my 3rd day of mens so I think it has an impact I guess? I know it's not a PMS but girls are emotional when they have. As you all know, I'm writing most of the time because I'm sad and blue and a lot of words we're playing in my mind. 

"Halo-halo eh, andami kong naiisip tungkol sa future ko, whether it's good or bad." 

Na aansha ako sa mga naiisip ko. 

I'm thinking about my mom. All the time. Hindi lang siguro halata, hindi naman kasi ako showy kung gaano ko kamahal yung tao o kaimportante sya sa akin. Pero sya lagi kong iniisip at pinapanalagin. Na sana... magkasama na kami ng nanay ko at hindi na sya maistress sa pag-aalaga sa mga apo niya. Na sana.. maging masaya ng lubusan si nanay. I know naman na masaya si Nanay, pero kahit di niya sabihin alam ko may kulang, alam ko may nawawala at alom ko hindi sya lubusang masaya.

I wanna make my mom happy. I'm always praying that she will find what truly makes her happy.

Sana manumbalik yung spirituality niya.'Cause I truly believe that what makes her really happy. Kasi malilibang sya, marami syang makikilang tao at na pe praise niya si Jah. Naiisip ko din na sana makapag-asawa uli sya. Ok lang naman sakin, pero syempre wala pa ring tatalo kay Tatay. Pero kung ikaliligaya niya naman why not? Gusto ko din may kasama sya at katuwang. Kasi hindi ko mapapangako na lagi niya ako kasama. 'Cause I'm not the kind of person na nag iistay sa isang place. I love to wander and darating sa point na mag-aasawa ako at kailangan bumukod.

Isa din sa mga kinakatakutan ko ang mawala si Nanay. HINDING HINDI KO KAKAYANIN. Lalo pa hindi pa ok lahat. Pero kasi my mom is getting older. I wanna spend the rest of my life with her, kaso I wanna live somewhere far from Manila or as much as possible lilibutin ko talaga Pinas. Nagpaalam na ko sa kanya, at balak ko naman sya isama kaso ayaw niya. Malayo daw sa mga kamag anak. Walang malalapitan in case of emergency. Kaya pag graduate ko talaga sisikapin ko na tumira na kasama niya. I love my mom so much at alam ko alam niya din yun.