What if your still here?
If you were given a chance to invent something what would it be? A time machine-- I said.
But no, I can't invent a time machine and no one can. If I ever had an illness like Drew Barrymore has on 50 first date, I'll pick one memory and that was I'm with you whether its good or bad. If there's one people I wanna live together for a lifetime it's you and always you.
"and I have hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous. " (Acts 24:15)
I know and truly believe what Bible has promised. But would you blame me If I really miss you so much? If I really want to see you as soon as possible?
My cousins and I had a conversation about some stuff. My cousin Abby shared her feelings on what her dad told about the teasing between her (abby) and the guy (who has a feelings for her). Her dad told her aunt not to tease them 'cause he doesn't want Abby to be in a relationship and be married. My uncle was very serious by that time and Ate Abby kinda teary when she told us that. She really appreciate that her dad doesn't want her to have her own family and be with them for a long time. My cousin Pat said that her dad was also like Abby's Dad, he doesn't want his daughters (cause Berenice is her sis) to be in a relationship. Dads were naturally over protective to their daughters. They told me that they will be my dad and they will be overprotective as well.
I bow my head and pretended that I'm crying and Berenice comforts me 'cause she's sitting beside me. Afterwards, I turned my face to them and said "Chareng!" and Betu hit me. They told me I fooled them. Pat said that she always thought that I'm seriously mad or emotional but at the end I'll say it's a joke. But I told her that what I feel is really true but I just pretend that it was a joke 'cause I don't want them to worry.
Bottomline is I really want to cry so hard by the time when they're telling about their dads but I preferred not to cry 'cause its so hard for me to move on from crying. I really want to feel that but no. It's impossible now.
Wish you were here Tatay, If you could only see me right now. I'm crying so hard tonight but I'm trying to put my hands on my mouth so they can't here me crying. It's makes me really sad but I know if ever you are still here I know you don't want me to have a partner or be married 'cause I'm always be your little princess. If you're still here maybe the situations were far different from reality now. I'm not living with my relatives, I may be graduated now, I may not have Depression, I know how to drive now, Nanay wouldn't have to live away from me. Maybe she's not working. Maybe the three of us were staying together. Maybe I'm not fat now because of the depression. Maybe people wouldn't see me as moron, stupid and idiot. Maybe I'm studying hard now. Maybe I got the course that I really want right at the beginning of college. Maybe we had our own business now, maybe we had our own car, maybe we are all active now in ministry, maybe my siblings treat me better so I will not push myself to live in relatives home, maybe I'm not anxious where I will live next, maybe I will not be closed to him who tried to assault me sexually. Maybe those assaults wouldn't happened to me. Maybe we traveled a lot of countries. Maybe I'm not thirsty in love, maybe I'm not attention seeker now, maybe I'm not hurting myself, maybe I'm not envying other families, maybe we were all happy now, maybe I learned to love myself now, maybe my heart was still fixed and was not broken and shattered.
A photo of me after crying last night
Comments